Why Shift from Resolutions to Intentions?
As we welcome a new year, many of us are drawn to the concept of resolutions—those big, bold promises we make to ourselves to improve or achieve something. While resolutions can feel inspiring at first, they often come with a hidden weight: expectation. They imply a need to “fix” something or achieve a specific outcome, leaving little room for flexibility or self-compassion.
When resolutions fall short—and let’s face it, they often do—it’s easy to spiral into feelings of failure or disappointment. We might start questioning our abilities or even our worth. This cycle is not only exhausting but also counterproductive.
So, what if we let go of resolutions and embraced intentions instead?
Intentions are rooted in desire, not obligation. They’re about creating a vision for what we want more of in our lives, without the pressure of rigid goals. Intentions allow us to honor where we are while inviting growth, joy, and connection into our lives.
Language Shapes Experience
Our language shapes our reality in profound ways. When we frame our personal growth or relationships through the lens of intention, we create space for acceptance and curiosity.
Think about the difference between saying:
“I need to fix my relationship” versus “I want to nurture more connection in my relationship.”
“I have to work on my communication” versus “I’d like to explore new ways to communicate.”
The first statements are rooted in judgment and pressure, while the second ones feel softer, more inviting. By shifting the way we speak to ourselves, we open up the possibility for deeper self-compassion and ease in our growth.
This is especially important in our relationships—whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or even ourselves. When we approach these connections with a mindset of acceptance rather than expectation, we’re better able to honor the present moment and build stronger, more authentic bonds.
From Expectation to Acceptance: 5 Ways to Embrace Your Intention
Here are some ways to shift from a space of expectation to one of acceptance, allowing for greater ease and connection in the process of growth:
1. Let Desire Lead the Way
Instead of feeling like you need to push yourself toward an outcome, focus on what excites and inspires you. What do you want to feel more of in your relationships?
For example, if you want more intimacy with your partner, think less about achieving a specific result (e.g., more frequent date nights) and more about the feelings you’d like to experience (e.g., closeness, joy, or spontaneity). Let that desire guide your actions.
This gentle pull toward what we want often feels lighter and more natural than the effort of forcing ourselves to meet an arbitrary goal.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
We all experience setbacks, whether it’s missing a personal milestone or feeling disconnected in a relationship. The key is to approach these moments with kindness rather than self-criticism.
For example, instead of saying, “I can’t believe I messed that up,” try saying, “It’s okay that I didn’t get it right this time. I’m learning.”
This kind of self-talk not only reduces stress but also helps you bounce back faster and stay motivated to grow.
3. Focus on the Present Moment
When we focus too much on the future, we can lose sight of the beauty of what’s happening now. Try practicing gratitude for what’s already present in your relationships.
Ask yourself:
What moments of connection am I already experiencing?
How can I be fully present for those I care about?
For instance, instead of worrying about how to fix a rough patch in your relationship, focus on spending one mindful moment together—whether it’s sharing a meal, taking a walk, or simply sitting in silence (without distracting yourselves on your phones).
These small, intentional actions create a foundation for deeper connection over time.
4. Release the Pressure of Perfection
Perfectionism often sneaks into our relationships and personal growth journeys. We set impossibly high standards for ourselves and our loved ones, creating tension and disappointment when those standards aren’t met.
The reality is, perfection is an illusion. Therefore, we have to learn how to let go of the idea that things have to look or feel a certain way. Some of the most profound moments of connection happen in the messiness of life—the unplanned, the imperfect, and the unexpected.
For example, if you’re trying to rekindle romance with your partner, it doesn’t have to involve an elaborate date night. A simple, heartfelt conversation or a quiet moment of laughter can be just as meaningful.
5. Create Space for Intentional Reflection
Take time to reflect on your intentions regularly. This can be as simple as journaling about your feelings, talking with a trusted friend, or even meditating on what you desire for yourself and your relationships.
Reflection helps you reconnect with your intentions and adjust them as needed. It’s not about measuring progress but about staying attuned to what feels authentic and aligned for you.
Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Intentions are a beautiful tool for strengthening both the relationships we have with others and the one we have with ourselves. When we focus on self-compassion, self-awareness, and self-love, we show up more fully and authentically in all areas of life.
Consider setting intentions like:
“I choose to feel more confident and connected to my body.”
“I embrace creating more joy and playfulness in my relationship.”
“I am mindful about exploring new ways to nurture my emotional well-being.”
These intentions aren’t about fixing or changing who you are. They’re about celebrating your unique journey and creating space for the growth you desire.
Growth Is Not a Performance
As cliché as it may sound, growth truly is about the journey, not the destination. Just as sex is not a performance, neither is the process of nurturing ourselves or our relationships.
There will be ups and downs, moments of joy and moments of disappointment. The key is not to let the low points define you. Instead, use them as opportunities to learn, grow, and reconnect with your intentions.
When setbacks arise—and they will—pause and take a deep breath. Remind yourself of your intention, and gently come back to it. There’s no need to rush or force the process. Trust that the journey is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to.
Final Thoughts
As you step into this new year, remember that intentions are your guide, not a rulebook. They’re here to inspire, support, and remind you of what truly matters.
So, what intentions will you set for yourself and your relationships this year? Take a moment to reflect and let your desires gently lead the way.
After all, growth is about creating space for connection, compassion, and curiosity—not achieving perfection. Embrace the journey, and let it unfold in its own beautiful, imperfect way.
Join me on Saturday, February 15th for a Valentine's Day Couples Experience! More info below.
About The Author
Rachel Smith is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Board Certified Sex Therapist with a passion for empowering ambitious women and committed couples. She is dedicated to guiding them on a journey of love and healing, helping to rekindle passion and deepen connections. As the founder of Infinite Intimacy, Rachel offers therapeutic services, workshops, and retreats designed to support clients in embracing their authentic selves in both life and relationships.
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