The holiday season is fast approaching, and with it comes a whirlwind of festivities, gatherings, and long to-do lists. While this season is all about celebrating connection with family and friends, it can ironically leave little time for connection with the person closest to us: our partner. Between holiday shopping, family visits, and social obligations, our intimate relationships can unintentionally fall to the bottom of the priority list. But there’s a solution that can bring back that spark without adding stress—scheduling dedicated time for intimacy.
What if we approached planning intimate moments the same way we plan a getaway? Just like we get excited for vacations, we can feel the same anticipation for quality time with our partner. Here’s how you can make space for intimacy during the holidays, build positive anticipation, and create a fresh and vibrant connection that lasts well beyond the season.
1. Plan It Like a Vacation: Scheduling Intimacy as a Foundation
Imagine the process of planning a vacation. It starts with checking the calendar, finding the perfect days, and setting time aside. Why not approach your intimate life with the same intention? Instead of hoping for a spontaneous moment in a hectic week, proactively schedule dates that are dedicated to connecting with each other. When you know it’s on the calendar, intimacy can become something to look forward to, rather than something to squeeze in if there happens to be time.
Think of scheduling as a foundation for spontaneity. When we’re feeling stressed, it’s easy to let intimacy slip into the “maybe later” category. By committing time in advance, you’re ensuring that your relationship remains a priority even during the busiest times. It might feel formal at first, but consider this the bedrock of keeping your bond strong through the chaos.
2. Build Positive Anticipation: Why Looking Forward Matters
Research highlights that anticipation is a powerful driver of desire. Think about how you feel leading up to a vacation—the countdown, the excitement, the thought of what awaits. This same type of positive anticipation can be cultivated for intimate moments. By setting a date and looking forward to it, you’re mentally preparing for connection in a way that boosts desire and excitement.
Positive anticipation shifts your mindset so that intimacy becomes something you’re eager for, not just another item on the checklist. This change in perspective alone can increase enjoyment and help both partners feel a deeper connection. The build-up to an experience, even the smallest gestures, can create an atmosphere of excitement and joy, making the eventual experience feel even more meaningful.
3. Cultivate Variety and Novelty: Bringing Freshness into Intimacy
Another benefit of scheduling intimate time is the opportunity it gives you to add variety and novelty. Just as you might plan activities for a vacation, you can plan different ways to connect with your partner. Scheduling intimacy doesn’t mean every date needs to look the same; it actually opens the door for creativity. It allows you to weave in variety and try things you might not consider if intimacy were simply squeezed into your daily routine.
Think about what could make these experiences memorable or unique. Maybe one night is about a cozy movie marathon in pajamas, and the next is about dressing up and going out together. You could add surprises, try new activities, or even gather some “playtime materials” to bring fresh energy into the experience. The idea is to add variety and novelty to keep things fun, spontaneous, and exciting.
Exploring new facets of connection also helps keep desire alive over time. When we add variety, our brains experience a boost in excitement and curiosity, which can reignite passion and help us stay connected. By consciously choosing to switch things up, you’re keeping your relationship dynamic and fulfilling.
4. Reinforce the Priority of Your Relationship: The Gift of Time
Setting aside time for intimacy sends a powerful message to both you and your partner: your relationship matters. In a season where there are endless things demanding your attention, intentionally making room for intimacy reinforces its importance. When we prioritize our relationship, we’re investing in the foundation that supports our well-being and happiness.
When your partner knows that time together is as non-negotiable as any other holiday event, it nurtures feelings of being valued, loved, and appreciated. It helps build a mutual understanding that, no matter how busy life becomes, the relationship can remain a source of comfort, passion, and connection.
Making space for intimacy creates a ripple effect. By carving out these moments, you’ll likely find that your interactions in between are warmer, more affectionate, and grounded in appreciation. In a way, scheduling becomes an act of love, showing that your partnership is a cherished part of your life, worthy of intentional care.
5. Transform “To-Do” into “To-Be”: A New Perspective on Intimacy
In the end, scheduling intimate moments is about much more than creating time slots on a calendar. What if we began to think of our sexual relationships as a place we can “go” rather than something we “do”? Shifting your mindset in this way allows intimacy to become a refuge, a place to unwind, reconnect, and recharge together. This is about turning intimate time into a shared experience that offers comfort, fun, and joy amid the bustle of life.
When intimacy becomes a place to be rather than a box to check off, it becomes more fulfilling and rejuvenating. It’s less about performance and more about presence. Just like a vacation gives you a break from routine and helps you return feeling refreshed, regular and intentional intimate time provides a beautiful space for rejuvenation within your relationship. Imagine having a relationship that feels like a haven—a place that brings you back to each other, no matter how busy life gets.
Your Relationship as a Destination
The holiday season brings its own brand of joy and chaos, but with a little proactive scheduling, you can keep your connection thriving through it all. By treating your intimate relationship as a priority and a place to reconnect, you’re giving both yourself and your partner a gift that will last far longer than the holiday season.
So this year, instead of letting intimacy fall to the wayside, consider transforming your relationship into a destination—a special place where you can go to feel close, cherished, and connected. Schedule those dates, build up that anticipation, and let your relationship become a source of warmth, joy, and love through every season.
About The Author
Rachel Smith is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Board Certified Sex Therapist with a passion for empowering ambitious women and committed couples. She is dedicated to guiding them on a journey of love and healing, helping to rekindle passion and deepen connections. As the founder of Infinite Intimacy, Rachel offers therapeutic services, workshops, and retreats designed to support clients in embracing their authentic selves in both life and relationships.
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